University Park, Pennsylvania-
Citing the recent uproar amongst the Jerry Sandusky child molestation scandal, Penn State has decided to fire its campus rapist. "We simply didn't think it was a good idea to have a rapist on our payroll after we realized how mad this stuff makes you guys feel," said Penn State president, Ryan Palencko. Palencko went on to state, "Ralph Reeves, our rapist for the last twelve years, has provided a great service to both the school and its students. It's very sad to have to let him go, but we can see that it may not be in our best interest to continue having a rapist working for our school." However, this news was not taken well by the students of Penn State University. Many cite the personal relationships that they formed with the rapist, while he forced himself onto them, as reasons for why the firing was unjust. "If you got past the whole rapey part, Ralph was a really nice guy," said student Peter Stevens. "When he wasn't raping me, Ralph and I would chill on the quad, play some Frisbee, and talk about chicks we'd totally love to penetrate [...] it's just totally unfair that the school would take advantage of us and fire him without even asking us for our permission or input," Stevens said. Stevens was joined by a group of approximately 800 fellow students at a campus-wide protest protesting the firing of Reeves. The protest mainly focused on the seemingly unjust firing of the school's lone rapist. Signs were held up that stated slogans like, "Since when is rape wrong?" and "It's not rape if we like Ralph." Nevertheless, the protest failed to sway the opinions of the administration. "Look, we like Ralph just as much as you do, but unfortunately, today's America vilifies rapists in a completely unfair manner, and we have to comply with those standards," said Dean Kevin Holt. Holt went on to say that if rapists ever become accepted as the sometimes great people they are, then Ralph Reeves would get his job back. But as the Jerry Sandusky scandal unfolds, the school has gone into damage control and fired faculty that many students saw as staples of the school. To the students, Reeves, like ex-football coach Joe Paterno, was simply irreplaceable, and one of the main draws to the school. As a continued form of protest against the school, students have vowed to camp outside the head office until Reeves gets his job back in a protest named "Occupy our Crevices."